Live your love, Love your life

This morning, I woke up with excitement knowing that we're gonna pick up a van that is gonna be my very own car. It's second hand Nissan Quest that has considerably low mileage.
I've been hunting for a van these last 2 weeks, or I think since the truck went down. We used to have 2 vehicles, a dodge neon and a chevy truck. The chevy one day broke down and engine won't start. I prefer to have a van because it's roomy and powerful. After searched for several days, considering the specification, budget, and optional features, I came up with short list of the van mades: Honda Odyssey, Toyota Sienna, Kia Sedona, Nissan Quest, and Dodge Caravan. The features I love are: automatic transmission (it's killing me when driving in traffic with manual), leather interior, cd/radio, cold ac (you don't want to drive without ac, at least, not here in Texas), captain chairs in the middle row, power window, power door, power lock, 4 doors.
I went to craigslist.org because it has good deal on used car (and many other items, too). I made a list of the vans I found and then discussed it with my hubby, then we made contacts and came do the test drives or just looking.
Last week I found several interesting postings (including this Nissan Quest) and we made calls and appointments with the owners. Friday (August 7th, 2009), we went to Wells Branch to meet the owner of this Nissan Quest. He is a nigerian who live in appartment with his wife and two children. The van is neat and clean, the engine is clean with new battery, proved that it's been well taken care of. Once I looked in the interior I knew this is the van I like. It has everything I want, plus other features, such as sunroof, new tires, vhs player to keep little passengers entertained, and cd changer with 6 discs. We did a test drive, van runs smoothly, ac is cold, all power features work properly. I told Loel, this is the car I want. Then, we negotiated on the price and told him that we'd back to him later this afternoon since we had few other cars need to see that day.
We headed to downtown Austin to see two Toyota Sienna. None of them express my interest. Then we went to Citibank to get cash for the van. After that, we went to Anderson Lane to meet with Torry, a friend from Houston, and to have lunch. He'd been in Austin since yesterday for a short vacation before the school starts this week. We agreed to meet at Casa Chapalla for a lunch. Diane, another friend, joined us later.
After lunch we called the owner that we decided to get the van. But he didn't answer so Loel just left him a message. We went back home and took short nap. The owner called us back later and we agreed on a meeting him that evening. We gave him some down payment and the rest will be given on Monday, after finished the tittle transfer, etc.

April 15th, 2009 Today is the big day! I found out I'm pregnant!
Thanks Jesus! Praise the Lord!
To read more click here

6 weeks after surgery I went for my last post-surgery check up. Dr. Blumhagen was happy to see the progress I made. I'm still vegetarian but no longer in 'mostly raw' diet, which made me feel better and more energized. I avoid dairy products (bye bye Ben and Jerry...). Some studies suggest that limited intake of dairy product would reduce risk of cancer, especially breast cancer. I am still doing routine walk on treadmill. I started driving around about 3 weeks after surgery, but I had to be really gentle when placing the seatbelt and when I hit break or clutch pedal. I even had sex with hubby a weeks ago..he..he.. First time in about 5 weeks!

Doctor asked me about our meeting with Dr. Teneriello, I told him we were still discussing about it. He strongly advised I do whatever Dr. Teneriello recommended and to not seeking any alternative way for help. Back in my home country, Indonesia, most doctors will support patients' needs for alternative treatment/remedies. I know many doctors who also perform alternative treatments such as accupunture, accupresure, or with herbal remedies.

My period came early again, and it was as lighter and shorter as last month. This time my cycle was only 24 days. I think it's normal for my body is still trying to adjust to new change. I'm happy that I was still able to ovulate regularly. That's a good thing.

We are still on our plan to have a family. We've been trying for 4 years now and the stork hasn't deliver the baby to us, yet. We focussed on having sex around my fertile days, but now that my cycles became slightly shorter, I decided to pin point my calendar 11-13 days after my period. I used to make chart of my BBT (basal body temperature) in the morning before I woke up, checking my afternoon urine with fertility strips, and checking my morning saliva for any sign of fertility. You can find more info about fertility checks here. I stopped doing all those efforts maybe a year ago, because they just made me more depressed at the end, when I had period. Less stress made our sex more enjoyable, Loel could perform at his best, and we're both satisfied. Yes!

Dr. Blumhagen refered me to an oncologist specialist, Dr. Michael Teneriello whose office is at Texas Oncology near Mopac. I made an appointment with him a day after I got home from hospital. The earliest available date was on February 10th.
I was nervous and upset since morning. I was so glad Loel understood my situation. He came with me to doctor office. When we walked into the building, I felt like I was really sick. A glimpse of my father struggling with lymphoma, having chemo, and laying in the coffin, all was played in my mind. I saw people sitting in waiting room, old and young, women and men, different races, different stages. I told myself, I should've not come here. It really brought back sad memories of my father who lost his battle againts lymphoma non-hodgkin.
I filled out layers and layers of paperworks and returned them to receptionist who then gave me a bundle of book, pamflets infos and guides about cancer. The front folder says "I can fight cancer". What a nice way to encourage people, or is it to keep them feel sick??
After moments that felt like forever, a nurse called me in. Loel came in with me. She took my blood presure, checked my weight, and took my picture (for office documentation, she said).
10 minutes later, Dr. Teneriello came in shook our hands and sat down. He told us there was rare case of ovarian cancer in my age and that there was no evidence whether or not cancerous cells were left in my body after surgery. Pathologyst report after surgery showed there was no sign of cancer in other ovary nor other reproductive organs and inside my peritoneum. Or in other word, it was clean. They only found this damn cells in my left ovary that was removed. When I asked if ultrasound, ct-scan, mri or other testing device can detect any malignant cells, he said such detector would not show good result until the cells already multiplied/metastased at some point.
Dr. Teneriello said his patients usually were detected for cancer then went for surgery to remove the cancer. Not the other way around, like my case. He did not want to play guess and took risk and so he came up with this plan : he wanted me to go through a series of chemotherapy for 6 months, followed by an exploratory surgery (I will be cut open, from chest to below abdomen) to make sure the cells no longer there. Within that period and until at least for about a year after, we cannot try to have a baby. That's it, I said to myself, my whole life shattered into pieces.... I broke down and cried...
The rest of our meeting, Loel was in charge of questioning doctor because I was too depressed. If I agreed, doctor wanted to perform the procedure as soon as possible, no later than late March. He said I still can go to work and perform daily duties. The chemical they used in modern day is safer and less destructive than before. Side effects like nausea, vomitting, losing appetite and losing hair are still to be expected. But, most patients grew their hair back within a year or so. There is also club where I can join and share how to eat healthy during chemo, etc.
After the meeting, we went back to receptionist to get bloodwork and ct-scan form. Nurse gave me a bottle of barium to drink before the procedure which was scheduled next week. After blood work, we went back home. We barely spoke to each other, Loel grabbed my hand and said things will be fine.
Few days after that meeting, I'd been busy finding facts, literatures, natural remedies, alternative treatment, etc about ovarian cancer online. I really don't want to put my body into risky chemo for something that may not even exist. I talked to my sis-in-law, Laura, who is also an herbalist and has good knowledge in alternative treatment. She gave me infos and encouraged me to find alternative ways instead of chemo because it will destroy my body ability to heal itself, even though many experts said modern chemo is safer.
From what I've read, cancer cells are damaged cells that are mutated then multiplied and growth and kill healthy cells. Some substances can cause mutation (called mutagens) and some mutagens can cause cancer (called carcinogens). Those substance includes, but not limited, asbestos, tobacco, pesticides, etc. Everyone has cancerous cells at least twice in their lifetime. With good diet and lifestyle, our body can fight these cells and keep them in control.
Nowadays, lot of people have to deal with stresses (at work, at school, at home) and our foods are treated with pesticide and other chemical in order to provide the incredibly increased demand. Fortunately, more people now are also aware about these trends and choose organic-locally grown food, minimize stress, and do proper and balanced exercise.
I'm so glad that I have good access to abundant infos and it makes me feel positive about myself and of my body ability to heal itself. I discussed with Loel and I positively WILL NOT do chemo, or other procedure that could harm my body balance. It is risky decision but I was determined to change my life: start with good healthy diet and lifestyle.
Being treated in hospital twice also made me aware of how the healthy system in the US works. Hospitals, insurance agencies, and pharmacies systematicaly work to promote health through doctors, nurses, insurance agents, and so on. Patients come to doctors, they gave them prescriptions to take. Drugs have side effect, patients get worse, they need to be hospitalized. More drugs to take, more side effects occured, more complicated the case, more specialized will be involved. It's an evil cycle. Imagine, how much the hospital, or doctor, or pharmacy or insurance can make out of one patient in a year??
No. I will not destroy my body, I will nurture it, nourish it with vitamins and nutrients, I will exercise regularly and manage my stress. I promised myself I will change and live my life to the fullest.

I gradually stopped taking hydrocodone and take tylenol instead. Pain was slightly going away, but numbness and tingling sore were still there.
A week after my surgery I had my period which was 2 days earlier than I expected. It was lighter and shorter than before. I think it's normal considering I only have one ovary now. Oh well, at least it means less money spent on feminine napkins..he..he..
February 3rd, I went to Seton hospital for staples removal. I was a bit scared and even asked nurse if she would need to numb the area before does the procedure. She smiled and told me not to worry. The procedure was painless, I only heard scissors works and staples thuds and felt a bit pull and stretch on my skin here and there. She did great job!
She even told me about this scar treatment called "mederma" to fade the appearance of the scar. I only used vitamin E for the scar. I bought it in soft gel, cut it and rub the oil around my scar.
I didn't need to see Dr. Blumhagen and went straight home after that.

12.30AM
I was so happy with Lilis and Sef's visit. They stayed for about 2 hours, we still had more to chat but they didn't want to interrupt my resting time. It was funny how we came up with topic after topic everytime Sef pointed at the clock and gave sign 'it's time to go' to Lilis he..he..

I thought I'd sleep better tonite since my stomach stopped gurgling (it was still gassy but not so much) and my appetite was well satisfied. I was wrong. I had to ask for Vicodin which helped me sleep for few hours. My body temperature rose up a bit that made nurse watched over me more closely. It turned back to normal after few hours without any medicine.

7AM
My breakfast today was biscuit with scrambled egg, a bowl of cereal with a pint of milk, a cup of orange juice, and a cup of tea. Yum! I felt the movement afterward, but only some discharge and more gas. The steamed veggies I had yesterday have not reached the end:)

9.30AM
Dr. Blumhagen came and checked on me. He was happy with the progress I made and approved my discharge consent. I asked him about the care of incision, the diet, the exercise, etc. He said the nurse will give me some paperwork with 'to do list' later on. The incision doesn't need special treatment, I can take shower (hot or cold doesn't matter), only I have to make sure the incision area clean, well dried, and well aired. I can only wear loose fit dress, preferably cotton, nothing tight nor 'unbreathable' materials. The staples will be removed after a week in his office, which I have to call to make an appointment for. Doc also gave me a direct-after hour number of his just in case I have any question or emergency need. He said I have no special diet whatsoever, I can eat whatever I want, just like before the surgery. I'd probably have a bit constipation as the side efect of the surgery, which can be easily treated with OTC (Over the counter medication) such as Dulcolax. And my bowel movement should resumes in few days. He shook my hands, patted my shoulder, and left.

10AM
Loel came in and asked the nurse of the paperworks I have to sign before I leave. Cathy was the nurse in charge that morning. She explained what to do and what not to do and had me sign on some pages. Here are some of the list:
- do not lift or carry heavy object
- do limited household chores, such as dusting,
- avoid cooking or anything that require standing near fire/stove
- light exercise: walking is recommended, gradually add the distance
- do not stand up for long period of time
- do not drive until at least 2 weeks post op, or when I feel comfortable wearing seatbelt
- avoid having sex, nothing into the vagina, for at least 6 weeks (yaiks!)
- take pain killer as needed
Loel brought me the mask I asked last nite. I hope this will help reducing my allergy symptoms.

10.30AM
We finished with paperwork, Cathy called the volunteer to bring up the wheelchair for me. Loel got all my stuff and went down to get the car. I asked him to drop by Costco pharmacy to get my prescription. We argued at this: he wanted to drop me home then come back to get the prescription cause it will take time to fill it, I said we were close to Costco and I'd be OK sitting in the car while my prescription was filled. I won! he..he.. It was though, I sat there for about 25 minutes trying to hide my face when the cart pusher went close he..he..Loel came back with Hydrocodone (a generic name for Vicodin), a pack of spinach and some cereal.

12.00PM
We were home! Jasmine was a bit crazy, she missed me so much. I had to be really careful with her because she jumped and stomped around. I laid on the bed and realized how tired I was and I didn't even walk much. Loel made me some veggie burger. Yum! Then, I took one hydrocodone and fell asleep.

4.45PM
I woke up feeling sick, and I realized doc didn't prescribe me with antinausea medicine. Gosh! I called doctor's office right away, it was Friday and the clinic was almost close. The nurse said she will try to get the prescription for me if not I had to get OTC Emetrol. She asked which pharmacy I wanted to have it filled, I said Costco because I'll get best rate. At 5PM nurse called me to say she got the prescription. It was Prometazine (generic for Phenergan). Loel went to get it. They had trouble finding my prescription. Apparently it was prescribed by Dr. Steven Solomon, not by Dr. Blumhagen. The nurse really tried at her best!

Oh, it was so good to be home again! The incision was still sore and the skin along the incision was numb. I took hidrocodone after dinner, and took Maalox to reduce the bloating. I couldn't sleep until after 3AM. It wasn't the pain, I had so much going in my mind. Loel wasn't in our bedroom. He slept on the sofa because he didn't want to interrupt me with his bad cough. When I finally fell asleep, I dreamed of my dad, my mom, of happy moments we had. I missed them...

January 21st
Since last night, I used maybe 12-15 times of my morphine drips. The pain had became more and more unbearable as the anaesthesia wore off. But I also learned that the more frequent I used it the more sickness I'd get. This morning I had to have the nurse inject me with antinausea medicine (Zofran). It's true that morphine drips really helped me go through the pain a lot easier, and that accelerates the healing process, too. But, I have to use it with cautious.
I couldn't sleep well, every couple hour or so there was a nurse checking on me. Greg helped me lay on my side, put one pillow as prop on my back and other pillow to be hold on my abdomen. I watched some tv, or read the book I brought (The song of the bird by Anthony de Mello), or listen to my ipod shuffle. Most tvs showed repeated inauguration ceremonies. Boring!

6AM
my nostrils awaken by good smell of foods that were delivered to patients. I wonder when I could get some foods. I was really hungry, my stomach gurgled with gas, been 2 days with no food. I imagined hot, savoury Indonesian curry with white rice and fried tofu and tempe. Aaahhhh.....Greg checked me at the end of his shift and asked if I passed out gas, I said not yet.

8AM
A nice nurse lady came in and wrote her name on the white board: Leonada. She'll be my nurse until 3PM. She came to remove my urine catheter. She said, in good English accent,"From now on you can pee on your own, sweety." Less than an hour later, I called a nurse to help me to walk to restroom. Sitting up for the first time made me dizzy, everything in the room rotated and blurred. It went away after a minute or so. There was a measuring pot sitting in the toilet to check and measure my urine. Went back in bed, I experienced pain and nausea. A nurse came with Zofran injection.

9.00PM
A male nurse in blue scrub came in and introduced himself as anaesthesia assistant. He asked if I had nausea or vomiting after surgery. He checked on my oxygen level and removed my oxygen tube. "Let's see if you can breath normal without the tube. I'll check back on you in 10 minutes. OK?" When he came back later, my oxygen level was on 98% which was considered normal which means I no longer need tube. A while later, a nurse came with a tray of food. Well, it wasn't real food, though. My "meal" this morning consisted clear broth, which after several sips (since my taste was dull at the beginning) I learned that it was chicken broth (blah!), green jello (from gelatin), cranberry juice, and a cup of coffee. All tasted bad and bitter:( I asked a nurse to change the broth since I'm vegetarian (and I mentioned my special diet in the pre-op forms). I also called Loel to bring me some carrot blend juice (carrot, celery, and garlic) and smoothie. I gave him instruction of how I used to make my smoothie: frozen fruits with almond milk and orange juice blended together, then I make spirulina and wheat grass paste in a cup, then I mix the fruit smoothie and green paste together.

10.15AM
Loel came with the juice and smoothie. Yippee! He asked if I was allowed to have them, I said don't know and don't care.. he..he..I'm hungry, man! A communion minister came in a while later. I forgot his name. He gave me a communion and I had it with water. We had some good conversation later on, and he prayed for my recovery. Loel stayed for about 2 hours then went back home. He still had the cough and still refused to see doc. Man! I got some text messages from friends in Indonesia asking how I was doing.

1PM
Dr.Blumhagen came in. He checked on the incision and my vital. He then sat down and explained to me that the surgery went well. The first appearance of the mass was benign, but they sent it to pathology clinic for further evaluation. It'd take about 3-4 days to get the result. The mass was so big that it pressed my bladder and pushed my uterus down my pelvis. I was adhered to my bowel so he had to remove the scar tissue along the adhession. He took my left ovary along since it was badly damaged. Other than that all my fertility organs remains well and preserved. I was so relieved to hear that. He asked me to start to walk to stimulate my bowel movement. He also said if everything went well as he expected, I could go home tomorrow. I can't wait!

2PM
Leonada came in, "Doctor asked me to remove the dressing." Oh, not again! Ouch! Doctor wanted the wound to expose to fresh air to accelerate the healing process. I saw it was pretty scary: the incision is about 20cm, goes horizontally just above my pubic line (they shaved the pubic hair around that area), the skin folded in and was hold with 20 staples. Yes, staples like what we use in the office! She asked if I want to learn to walk some, I said maybe later, I wanted to take some nap.



3PM
Leonada came in and remove my IV drips and morphine drips. Oh no! But she left the IV line on my arm, just in case I need other injected medication or more IV drips. When Loel came in around 5PM, I told him I want to try to walk some. We walked down the corridor back and forth while he hold my hand, firmly. It was only small walk, but it drained my energy! Aaah...it was so good to be on bed again...We watched Simpsons then Loel went back home.

8PM
I finished my dinner (same one: clear liquid!) when Greg came in and asked if I want to have a little walk before I sleep. Of course! he..he.. I spent the night watching tvs and read my book. My neighbor patient seemed to have trouble breathing and coughing all nite long. God, please help her. My little iPod diminished all those noises and delivered me to fairy land...

The Surgery
January 20th, 2009:
My alarm rang at 4.50AM as I set last nite. But, I turned it off and went back to sleep. 22 minutes later I woke up in panic and woke Loel up. "Come on, come on, it's time!" I turned on shower and douche and then rubbed Hibiclens antimicrobial soap three times around my belly and arms (well, the direction only calls for twice, but I just want to make sure the site is immaculately clean..he..he...). I dried it with clean towel. We only slept for about 5 hours or less, since we talked a lot last nite. Loel preparing his coffee and some snacks to have while waiting for my surgery. I prayed to God and Holly Mother Mary to watch over me. At 5.36AM, we were all ready to go.

On the way, we rehearsed the worst scenario: if doc says he find cancerous cells and want to do hysteroctomy, or if doc says i need blood transfussion. Loel got all the answers right. Good! But, then he grabbed my hands and said,"You'll be OK. Let's think that everything's going smoothly.OK?"

5.50AM we entered the lobby waiting room. The receptionist told me to sit down and wait. Around 6.10AM a black guy in scrub carrying a clipboard entered the room and started to call everybody on his list. There were about 7 patients with their families. Then we followed him to the second floor where the surgery center located. He gave us short tour of the surgery waiting room, the restroom, and the recovery room which also function as pre-operation room. He explained that for outpatients, the family can come into the recovery room once the patient wakes up. But for inpatients, the family has to wait until the patient moved into his/her own room, which will be on the fourth floor. He then asked us all to follow him into the recovery room.

The room is big, with about 10 beds which each is separated with long thick curtain. A nurse in blue scrub called each of us with our doctor's name then showed our bed. "Dr. Blumhagen?" It's me! She lead me and Loel into my bed. There were two sets of blankets at the foot of the bed and a hospital gown. On the side there were an IV stand with IV bag and tube set ready, also another stand that looks like monitor. On the right side of bed there was a monitor screen on a flexible metal arm. I said,"Aha..we can watch inauguration while waiting here." But Loel said it might be a heartbeat monitor or something. About 10minutes later, another nurse in blue scrub came introduced herself as Jeena. She went through her clipboard, confirming my name, birth date, allergies concern, diet, medications and supplements I currently taking, did I do pre-op prep today, etc. Then she asked me to change into hospital gown and lay down, she gave us hospital bags to put my belongings. Few minutes later, she put some wristbands on my right arm.

White band with patients info and medical record (med rec) barcode, red band for my allergy alert, and yellow band for "Fall Prevention" means I am not allowed to fall. She put compression wraps around my legs. These wraps will be connected to a machine that will pumping air pressure to "massage" my legs. It's a routine procedure to prevent blood clot. Then she asked if I want to watch some tv, i said of course. She couldn't find the power button, I did. So, we had tv to watch while we're waiting for my doctor. 10 minutes, 20 minutes, Loel said doc might be having his breakfast at McDonnald or something. he..he..I saw other patients already in their beds with IVs and monitors on. Some of them already went to surgery rooms. Then a male nurse in scrub came to my bed introduced himself as anaesthesia assistant. He started to find my vein to place the IV line. He felt my hands were cold,"Are you nervous, Maria? Don't worry we'll make you feel comfortable. You won't feel any pain, you won't remember anything during surgery. I promise you that." Three times tries on my left hand with different size of needles, no luck, then he tried again on my right hand, still no luck. He said,"Did you forgot to bring your vein with you? Did you leave it home?" yeah..yeah..i suffer here and you made joke! He called another assistant, who is younger. He rubbed my hand with alcohol wipe, tapped it, and poked it in different site. It didn't satisfy him but he put the line in there anyway since we had to get the anaesthesia medication started. After 30minutes, which was like forever, Dr. Blumhagen came with his smiley face. Ask how was everything and grabbed my hands and promised me that I'll be OK and he'll do his best. He said he'll make a "bikini line" incission and it'll look great. He also said that I will be given 'self-inject morphine' after surgery so I won't feel any pain. I thanked him. One nurse put a clip on my left index finger to check my oxygen level, and a blood pressure monitor on my left arm. Other nurse injected me with test-dose of antibiotic, and anaesthesia medication. When Dr. Blumhagen came back and check on my clip board, he wanted other antibiotic instead. Another dose of anaesthesia injected through my vein and it was painful, like burning. So, he injected some numbing medicine afterward. He said,"Do you feel better now? This medicine will make you relax." Another nurse told Loel it was time to go, he grabbed my hands and we kissed. "Promise me you won't leave untill it's done?" "I promise. You'll be OK." Then, she lead him out.

After series of anaesthesia injections, they brought me into surgery room. I felt so relax and happy and a bit drowsy. I saw a clock showed 6.55AM. The room is big, with 2 big round lamps, wall was mostly glass shelves with blue scrubs, clothes, some metal instruments, etc. I remembered they moved me into the table, put hair cap, put blue mask on my face, and I heard people talkings...and...more talkings...and...

I don't remember a thing after that. Neither that they asked me to count down from 10, or "ok, it's time to pick the island to land" or something like that. It happened so fast. When I woke up, I already back in my bed in recovery room. Oxygen tube in my nose, different kinds of cords and tubes on my chest and both arms. I heard hissing from my legs. I heard people talks. I felt confused, numbed, drowsy, and groggy. "Why am I still laying here? Did they cancel the surgery?" A male nurse came and checked on my vital and said,"Welcome back, sleeping beauty. How are you?" I said I was groggy. He said,"It's OK. You just came back from deep sleep. You're doing great!" Then I saw the clock showed 9.33, then I passed out. Then I heard voices tried to wake me up. It was Dr. Blumhagen,"You are doing great, Maria. We took the mass out. It was pretty big (he made a figure of a ball with his hands)." I asked if everything was OK, he said yes. The first appearance shows it's benign. But to make sure, he sent eh mass to the pathology lab for further evaluation. "OK. You need some rest. We talk again when you are fully awake. OK?" I thanked him, and passed out, again. I spent 2 hours in the recovery room. It was funny how it felt like. I was in stage between conscious and unconscious all the time. I could hear people talk, but somehow it was blur, like a dream.

Out of Recovery Room

At last, I heard a nurse said they found room for me and they're gonna take me to my room soon. He told a female nurse,"Go tell her husband we're gonna take her to room 419. I believe he's in waiting room right now." Then I heard they unplugged my chest monitors and get me ready to go. I heard one of them ask if I was OK. I opened my eyes and said yes. I saw the time was 11.20. I was off again. I felt they pushed the bed out of recovery room, into the elevator, and into the room. Then I saw Loel was there! I smiled and relieved. The nurses asked if I can move myself into the room bed. I said I'll try. Loel helped and I moved successfully into the other bed. Then I was off, again:( But before long I heard nurse told Loel, "She's OK. She'll be on and off for a while. You can go home and come back later when she's awake." I heard him said something then I lost it...


When I woke up again at 12.00 nobody was in my room. My lower abdomen was numb and sore. I heard hissing again and found out it came from compression wraps on my legs. I explored my room, there was a clock on the wall, a cross with corp under it (made me wonder if this hospital is owned by a catholic charity), a sink on the right wall, a bathroom behind that wall, a huge window with nice view to I-183 traffic, a tv. TV?? Suddenly, I remember the inauguration of Barrack Hussein Obamma must be happening now. Then I looked around for a tv remote. Nothing. Then I learned that my bed rail was equipped with all control I need: the reading light, room light, tv control (channel and volume), nurse call, bed adjustment control (for back and leg comfort). Cool! So, I turned tv on, adjusted my bed, and chose the channel. Yes! It was just in time when Obama said his swear after the minister. And apparently he said it too fast, then he forgot the line, then he had to repeated the line. ha..ha.. He must be nervous. He is the first African-American president in US history. If only I could vote I'd vote for him. He's intelligent, smart, confident, and love his family. But he's gonna face lots of pressure, too in today's situation where US economy was badly damaged by Bush, Jr. and his crownies.

I could only stayed awake for about 10-20 minutes then drifting out again. That was my afternoon felt like, pretty much. I was so thirsty, my lips dried, and my throat sores. I called nurse to see if I can have a sip of water or something. Nurse came with a cup of ice chips. I couldn't drink water until anaesthesia drugs wear off. Once the ice chips melted in my mouth I felt so good, it was like finding oasis in the desert. Thank God!

I heard knock on the door, a priest in black suit came in and introduced himself as Father Richard. We had some conversation. Latter on we found out I am catholic and he is catholic priest. He serves in the chappel at the lobby. Every Wednesday, they have mass at 11.30. But, I don't think I can make it to the mass tomorrow. So, he asked if I want to have anointing of the sick sacrament, I said I do. He said prayer followed by Our Father, then he anointed my forehead and my palms with oil and skipped the communion. Father Richard stayed for a while, he said he's gonna send communion minister to serve me while I was here. Aah...another oasis in this desert island...Thank God!


I woke up again around 2PM, I think, when I started to feel pain and sore in my abdomen. It was like sharp stab randomly around my lower abdomen. I called nurse asking for pain killer. She came in and put what looks like trigger device with a little button on the tip in my finger and said, "If you feel any unconfortable pain, just press the button. It will run the morphine drips into your IV line." Gosh, I forgot all about this 'self-inject morphine' he..he..This morphine drips was controled by a computer that will deliver certain amount of morphine each time I press the button. The machine only allowed me to push button once every 10 minutes or so. To prevent illegal usage, both morphine bag and the controller were encaved in a locked-hard plastic-container, as you can see in the pic.
Alright, morphine drips, let's have some fun! Hesitatedly, I pressed my morphine drips. It only took less than a minute for the drug to get into my blood. I felt calm, comfy, and drowsy. I fell into a neverland....



I woke up when a nurse came in to check something underneath my bed. I then realized there was a urine catheter inserted into my urethra. I also realized that they removed the IV line into my left arm, just 3 inches below my wrist. Glad they did it when I was unconscious, it must be painful. Nurse checked on the thick dressing they put on top of the incision,"Looks like the wound is drained pretty good."


When I woke up again around 4.30pm, Loel was already there. He said he'd only been there for 10 minutes but did not want to wake me up. So, we were excitedly exchaged stories. Loel said it was faster that he thought. We watched Simpsons, then he went back home. He is still struggling with coughs. I told him to go to a doc and get antibiotic but he refused. He hates doctor. After he left, I fell asleep for a while until a nurse came to check my incision and my vital. His name is Greg, young and handsome,"Ma'am, I'm gonna change this dressing with the thin one." It hurt when he pulled out the tape, even he did it very gently. I need my morphine drips!

Januari 19th, bangun pagi sembahyang terus mulai cari-cari apa yang bisa buat sarapan. Oh ya, dari kemarin-kemarin aku kepikiran nasi kuning dan serundeng. Aku udah beli kelapa utuh, pengen cari yang udah grated and frozed, tapi di asian market terdekat gak ada:( Oh well.. ya udahlah, extra kerja buat marut. Jam 10am kita ke Jollyfield pick up above ground pool yang kemarin aku liat di Craigslist. Sampe sana, si empunya, Becky, lagi draining airnya. Walah, ya sampe kapan keringnya? Setelah dikasih penjelasan tentang how to set up the swimming pool, kita bilang ntar balik lagi bawa truck.

Sampe rumah, Loel langsung kusuruh kupas kelapanya. Aku marut dan langsung bikin serundeng dengan resep yang masih kuingat di kepala. Sejam kemudian, nasi kuning dan serundeng udah siap. Harumnya semerbak seantero rumah. Hmmm....serasa di kampung halaman. Oh rindunya daku.... Aku langsung ambil di piring dan tanpa ba-bi-bu makan langsung pake tangan. Ooooh....yummmm....! Loel yang keliatan ada nasi kuning langsung tanya,"Ini mau ngerayain apa?" Karena dia tau tradisi nasi kuning di Jawa kan biasanya buat merayakan sesuatu. Aku bilang,"Cuman minta berkat aja. Supaya operasi besok lancaaarrr... selancar nasi kuning yang masuk ke perutku ini." ha..ha..

Jam 2pm, kita balik lagi ke Jollyfield untuk ambil pool nya. Weleh-weleh...gila, ini kolam gede amat and heavyyyy banget! Ukuran kolam 4feet by 18 feet. Pake metric ukuran 1.5m x 6m. Udah gitu yard basah and muddy banget. Walhasil kita pulang belepotan lumpur. ha..ha.. langsung masuk shower.

Jam 8.30pm aku udah gak makan apa-apa lagi. Cuman minum air. Tapi ntar jam 9.30pm aku udah mau setop, dan cuci perut pake Fleet enema sebelum bobo. Abis gitu mandi pake Hibiclens, meski tadi sore udah shower. Besok subuh, sebelum berangkat mesti shower lagi. Duh! Mana dingin lagi....brr....!

TV udah rame nyiarin pra-inauguration President Barack Obama. HBO malah udah ngadain konser kemarin malem dengan bintang2 ngetop kaya Beyonce Knowles and U2. Sayang, gue besok gak bisa liat langsung. Tapi Loel menghiburku,"Don't worry, you will see all those when you wake up. They will have it on TV all day tomorrow, and the next day...and the next day... I will record it for you if you need it." Inaugurasi kali ini benar-benar istimewa karena Obama bakal menjadi presiden hitam Amrik yang pertama sepanjang sejarah. Aku bayangin jangan-jangan ntar dokter ama nurses pada pasang tv diruang operasi. Ntar tak minta bius lokal aja supaya bisa nonton juga..ha..ha..

January 5th, I woke up early, made some toasts and hot tea and headed to Austin Regional Clinic to meet with Dr. B. Nurse called me in at around 8am. 10 minutes later there were knocks on the door. Dr. came in, with proper hospitality, as usual. I told him what happened after our meeting 3 months ago, how I was in constant denial that I went from one obgyn to another. Then he said,"I understand your fear. But, let's get this thing out this time. No more wait. OK?" Then, we discussed about the surgery, what we need to prepare, what would happen during surgery, what the risks, the recovery, etc. I also asked about the pain management after surgery. He said I would be given a selft inject morphine. OK. You may think it's cool. But, it's all measured and controlled by a computer so there is no way a patient could get more than he/she needs. "You can't be too crazy with morphine..he..he.."
He even drew line around where the incisions will be. Horizontal line about 10cm on my middle left abdomen, followed by vertical line up to rib line. But, he said, if the cyst is malignant, then he'd probably make longer vertical line up to my limph node. Oh, well... Doctor said not to worry, he's gonna do his best and treat me like a family.
After consultation, I went to work. Doc told me to wait for a call about a surgery schedule. Later that day, I called Dr. K to cancel the surgery. I felt bad because Dr. K is such a sweet and nice doc, but I think I do the right thing. This is my body, and I want the best I could get and afford to get well.

January 6th, Nancy from surgery scheduler called. She has January 20th available for my surgery and January 14th for my pre-op. I said let's do that. I told Sandi, my manager, about the new surgery schedule and she said she will revised the working schedule for next week. I'm so happy I have her as a manager. She's been being very supportive of me. Thank goodness!





Loel said,"Wow! You look a lot younger!" He loves my new hair cut and can't help himself to touch it every now and then. he..he..

Since New Year's eve, I had trouble sleeping. Or when I finally fell asleep, I woke up around 2 or 3 am and couldn't get back to sleep. I was nervous, my hands and feet were sweaty. I felt tired and sleepy at work, and could not focus on the job.
Tonight, December 3rd, before I slept, I prayed and meditated. It helped me get more rest. But I still feel nervous and depressed. I kept thinking about Dr. Kavoussi, I wonder whether I chose the right doctor to do the surgery. I remember he told us that he doesn't do this kind of surgery very often so he's gonna have his father to 'look over' his shoulder.
As always, I woke up at 3.20am. I decided to go to office room to my laptop and thought maybe if I could get my eyes really tired then I might be able to go back to sleep. I used Aetna navigator to find profiles of doctors I have visited. The result showed that Dr. Blumhagen, the first obgyn we met has better qualification, based on his experience, his education, and reviews from his patients. He is also listed on Aexcel, which means, his services meet strict criterias of Aetna insurance. His office is at Seton Northwest Hospital, which is near to us. This hospital also has a good reputation in doing the similar surgeries, based on reviews of the patients and meet the high standard of American hospital grades.
Why did I find this infos now? Why did I not do it before I confirmed the surgery date with Dr. Kavoussi? Stupid me! Or is this the way God show me?
I started to think to go back to Dr. Blumhagen. But, what about the appointment I made with Dr. Kavoussi? This morning, I wrote email to Loel with the links to the websites and infos I found. I asked him to help me to decide which doctor should I go with.

The day after New Year, Lily called me, invited us to her house. She had the turkey cooked. That was the 15lbs turkey I got from work. Loel made traditional American dishes: blackeye peas and corn bread. He said, we have to eat this to bring good luck in the coming year.
It was more like a private dinner attended by 3 other families. I brought my leftover Indonesian dishes and Loel brought his so we can have different dishes from different cultures.
We went back home at around 9pm feeling tired, maybe still had a bit hang over, too. That was a good champagne, I must say...he..he.. Oh, and my resolution is simple, get rid of this cyst and get well, and stay healthy. Amen!

As Dr. Kavoussi's nurse told me before, I had to call them on the first day of my cycle so that they can set up the date of my surgery. Today, December 30th, my period started. I called the nurse.
She asked,"When did it start?"
I said,"About 10 minutes ago"
She asked, "Does it flow?"
I answer,"No."
She said,"OK. Call us back when it flows."
What???
I don't understand what the flow has to do with my surgery date?? This is just ridiculuos.
But I did call her again few hours later, just before the clinic close.

I started to walk and run daily From what I read, walking will help me recover faster after surgery. Our treadmil that used to stay folded and dust-wrapped in the corner of our front porch now is back to work. To motivate myself, I uploaded my favorite songs into my iMac shuffle before I jump on the treadmil. Sometimes I was carried away with the songs that I sang loudly. So loud that Loel came out and said,"OK. I think we need to adjust the speaker a bit low. Can we?" he..he.. I never thought it'll be this fun! I gradually add up my speed and distance. But my daily goal is not less than one mile.
I'm still taking my supplements and herbs but stop doing the 'mostly-raw' diet. I eat lots of spinach to build up my blood cell and drink my 'greens' smoothie daily. I made this smoothie by blending mixed frozen fruits (mango, pineapple, peach, and strawberry) with spirulina and wheat grass powder. This, together with colostrum and thymulus, help relieve my allergy to cedar polen that is high for the last few days.
God! Allergy! Sneezing, snorting, coughing... these are to be avoided after surgery. The image of my sutures ripped open after sneezing came suddenly before my eyes...geee....what should I do?? A friend at work who underwent 2 times cesarean told me to use pillow and press it againts my abdomen whenever I need to sneeze or cough or even laugh. OK. One problem solved! But I'm still nervous. Jesus, please help me...