Live your love, Love your life

Dr. Blumhagen refered me to an oncologist specialist, Dr. Michael Teneriello whose office is at Texas Oncology near Mopac. I made an appointment with him a day after I got home from hospital. The earliest available date was on February 10th.
I was nervous and upset since morning. I was so glad Loel understood my situation. He came with me to doctor office. When we walked into the building, I felt like I was really sick. A glimpse of my father struggling with lymphoma, having chemo, and laying in the coffin, all was played in my mind. I saw people sitting in waiting room, old and young, women and men, different races, different stages. I told myself, I should've not come here. It really brought back sad memories of my father who lost his battle againts lymphoma non-hodgkin.
I filled out layers and layers of paperworks and returned them to receptionist who then gave me a bundle of book, pamflets infos and guides about cancer. The front folder says "I can fight cancer". What a nice way to encourage people, or is it to keep them feel sick??
After moments that felt like forever, a nurse called me in. Loel came in with me. She took my blood presure, checked my weight, and took my picture (for office documentation, she said).
10 minutes later, Dr. Teneriello came in shook our hands and sat down. He told us there was rare case of ovarian cancer in my age and that there was no evidence whether or not cancerous cells were left in my body after surgery. Pathologyst report after surgery showed there was no sign of cancer in other ovary nor other reproductive organs and inside my peritoneum. Or in other word, it was clean. They only found this damn cells in my left ovary that was removed. When I asked if ultrasound, ct-scan, mri or other testing device can detect any malignant cells, he said such detector would not show good result until the cells already multiplied/metastased at some point.
Dr. Teneriello said his patients usually were detected for cancer then went for surgery to remove the cancer. Not the other way around, like my case. He did not want to play guess and took risk and so he came up with this plan : he wanted me to go through a series of chemotherapy for 6 months, followed by an exploratory surgery (I will be cut open, from chest to below abdomen) to make sure the cells no longer there. Within that period and until at least for about a year after, we cannot try to have a baby. That's it, I said to myself, my whole life shattered into pieces.... I broke down and cried...
The rest of our meeting, Loel was in charge of questioning doctor because I was too depressed. If I agreed, doctor wanted to perform the procedure as soon as possible, no later than late March. He said I still can go to work and perform daily duties. The chemical they used in modern day is safer and less destructive than before. Side effects like nausea, vomitting, losing appetite and losing hair are still to be expected. But, most patients grew their hair back within a year or so. There is also club where I can join and share how to eat healthy during chemo, etc.
After the meeting, we went back to receptionist to get bloodwork and ct-scan form. Nurse gave me a bottle of barium to drink before the procedure which was scheduled next week. After blood work, we went back home. We barely spoke to each other, Loel grabbed my hand and said things will be fine.
Few days after that meeting, I'd been busy finding facts, literatures, natural remedies, alternative treatment, etc about ovarian cancer online. I really don't want to put my body into risky chemo for something that may not even exist. I talked to my sis-in-law, Laura, who is also an herbalist and has good knowledge in alternative treatment. She gave me infos and encouraged me to find alternative ways instead of chemo because it will destroy my body ability to heal itself, even though many experts said modern chemo is safer.
From what I've read, cancer cells are damaged cells that are mutated then multiplied and growth and kill healthy cells. Some substances can cause mutation (called mutagens) and some mutagens can cause cancer (called carcinogens). Those substance includes, but not limited, asbestos, tobacco, pesticides, etc. Everyone has cancerous cells at least twice in their lifetime. With good diet and lifestyle, our body can fight these cells and keep them in control.
Nowadays, lot of people have to deal with stresses (at work, at school, at home) and our foods are treated with pesticide and other chemical in order to provide the incredibly increased demand. Fortunately, more people now are also aware about these trends and choose organic-locally grown food, minimize stress, and do proper and balanced exercise.
I'm so glad that I have good access to abundant infos and it makes me feel positive about myself and of my body ability to heal itself. I discussed with Loel and I positively WILL NOT do chemo, or other procedure that could harm my body balance. It is risky decision but I was determined to change my life: start with good healthy diet and lifestyle.
Being treated in hospital twice also made me aware of how the healthy system in the US works. Hospitals, insurance agencies, and pharmacies systematicaly work to promote health through doctors, nurses, insurance agents, and so on. Patients come to doctors, they gave them prescriptions to take. Drugs have side effect, patients get worse, they need to be hospitalized. More drugs to take, more side effects occured, more complicated the case, more specialized will be involved. It's an evil cycle. Imagine, how much the hospital, or doctor, or pharmacy or insurance can make out of one patient in a year??
No. I will not destroy my body, I will nurture it, nourish it with vitamins and nutrients, I will exercise regularly and manage my stress. I promised myself I will change and live my life to the fullest.